all the things we should have done

With all moments of finality, I think as humans we often fall into thinking of all the things we didn't do, all the areas in which we fell short. Such as when someone dies, often times our thoughts are consumed with what we didn't do for that person, instead of thinking about all of things we did do. Being at a major cross road in life, and choosing one path, can often do the same thing. It all reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies of all time, Lonesome Dove, when Captain Call was sitting in the room as his life long companion, Gus was dying in front him. Captain Call begins telling Gus about things he wished they had done and Gus grabs a bottle of whiskey off the table and says, " Woodrow, this ain't no time to start thinking about all the things we should have done.....Its been one hell of a ride my friend".
So today, I will try hard not to think about all the things I should have done. But, will focus on the reality that today I have to live as though its my last day, love all that I can, make a point to see all the beauty around me and give thanks, be kind to all, practice forgiveness with everyone and anything, make peace and most importantly, let everyone know I love them........Gus was right, its been one hell of a ride.

Dream Chasing 101

I have decided to start writing about this monumental change that is coming about in my life. Maybe one day I will reflect back on this to remember how it all began, or maybe to use as a road map to figure out how I arrived at where ever I am. Tonight I sit in this big old, empty house lost in thought. I have sold most the things that I own, the things that within them, my identity has been kept, neatly folded like a pair of socks. Now, weeks before I actually leave for Belize, I sit alone in this house, overwhelmed with emotions. Doubt, fear, uncertainty, excitement and anxiety all seem to fight for my attention. Thoughts fly around my head like the debris from a tornado, never really knowing whats about to come crashing through the window. Wondering if tomorrow I will wake up in Oz, and if so, will there be a yellow brick road to follow. I know I am following my heart, I know I want to make a new life, write a new chapter. However, the thought of leaving all the people I know and all the things I know, at times seems larger than life. Dreams can be strange bedfellows, tempting us with their grandeur, but sometimes not listing their full price. At times there is so much we don't realize thats lost in the fine print and when you give up your life to follow a dream, you never want to get visited by the repo-man. They say right before you die, your mind is filled with visions and thoughts of all the good things in your life that stand out in your memory. I think making dramatic changes in your life can often do the same thing. I know in the last weeks as I watch my belongings be carried off in trucks and trailers, my mind has been flooded with memories that make me smile. Oh what a good life I have lived, not so much in maybe that I was the best person I could have been, but, I have had an amazing life. So tonight my thoughts echo and bounce off these barren walls and I ponder what life has in store for me as I manifest my existence. All the while knowing, dream chasing can be a risky business.